gratitude

Have you heard of Positive Psychology? I know only a little about it through my job as a teacher and have done a little reading about it, but do not in any way profess to be any kind of an expert on the subject. But, what little I do know, has definitely helped me to process thoughts and feelings in a more positive way in my everyday life.

Professor Mar­tin Selig­man and col­leagues launched what was called “pos­i­tive psy­chol­ogy" in the late 1990s as an anti­dote to the tra­di­tional empha­sis of “neg­a­tive psy­chol­ogy” focused on fix­ing prob­lems like trauma, addic­tion, and stress. They wanted to bal­ance the focus of psychology and be able to help every­one, includ­ing high-functioning indi­vid­u­als.

Under the umbrella of positive psychology, Grat­i­tude has been proven to be a prac­ti­cal frame­work for bet­ter func­tion­ing in life by tak­ing con­trol of hap­pi­ness lev­els and prac­tis­ing the skill of emo­tional self-regulation. It was found that the prac­tice of grat­i­tude can increase hap­pi­ness lev­els. Cultivating grat­i­tude was also found to bring other health effects, such as longer and bet­ter qual­ity sleep time.

The most com­mon method used to help people cultivate gratitude was to ask them to keep a “Grat­i­tude Jour­nal”  where you write down some­thing you feel grate­ful for on a regular basis. Another exer­cise was to write a “Grat­i­tude Let­ter” to a per­son who has exerted a pos­i­tive influ­ence on one’s life but whom we have not prop­erly thanked in the past, and then to meet that per­son and read the let­ter to them face to face.

Now I can't claim to have done either of these things with any kind of consistency, although I did, for a while, ask my boys each day about something good that had happened in their day that they could be grateful for (that took a long time to explain) and then wrote it down in a diary. Unfortunately the writing down part didn't last, but we do still talk about a good thing in our day at the dinner table most nights. The "Gratitude Letter", I have never attempted, but there are definitely a few that I should write one day.

However, being grateful, is something that, once you make yourself aware of it, can become an integral part of the way you think about life every day and I do feel that over time that has happened to me. Today, for example, I had to cancel my curcuit class and the weekly catch up that I have with a dear friend who looks after Ben and Teddy while I go to the class, because both Ben and I were sick with some kind of a virus. Almost every Friday over the last couple of months, some kind of illness has thwarted our plans, but,  on the upside, I am grateful for the fact that, because we stayed quietly at home, I was able to play some games and do puzzles with Ben - something that I don't seem to do nearly enough of. 

A friend was recently telling me about how a problem in her knee meant that she was going to be on crutches until she could have surgery on it. This is very frustrating for her, particularly as she loves to be very active. My response was "Oh you poor thing, that's terrible!" She replied, "Well, it's a pain but I'm lucky - at least I don't have cancer." Of course, she's right and that is a very positive way to look at the situation.

When driving in the car, I often find myself looking in the rearview mirror at my three boys and almost having to pinch myself thinking just how lucky I am to have them (that's when they aren't fighting of course!!).

Naturally it's wonderful when someone shows gratitude to you as well. Last week we cooked dinner for some friends and a couple of days later, received this lovely succulent with a thank you note. It now has pride of place on the dining table and it was so nice to know that they really enjoyed themselves.

Today, I was excited (and grateful that I was able to buy it - only $20!!) when this brooch from Elk arrived in the mail. I only ordered it two days ago and it came so elegantly packaged too.

I am grateful that the sun is now going down a bit later in the evenings and my boys are able to have a bit of time to play outside after school while I cook dinner. TV is banned on school afternoons and it gives them the opportunity to bond with eachother while they play.

Yesterday, after they had played this game outside, the boys came inside and Sam came up with the idea (because I was taking too long to play a game of Sevens with him) of building a house of cards. This kept all of them entertained long enough for me to get dinner cooked and on the table.

This little treasure was an unexpected surprise in our lives, but he makes us all so happy - he brings an extra something special to the family. I'm grateful to the friend who passed on this beautiful hand knitted vest, worn by her own two boys, as well as my eldest, Sam, when he was this age. And to the friend who gave me the spunky jeans and shoes - Teddy wears almost exclusively hand-me-downs!

Today I was grateful to my husband for calling during the day to see how I was feeling (since I was sick). I also received a hand written letter in the mail from a friend I haven't been in touch with for  a while - what a treat...

Anyway, I have probably gone on with this for too long already so I'll stop now. But you get the idea...if you find yourself stewing over the things that aren't going right in your life, try to stop that train of thought and take a minute to think about all the things you are grateful that you do have. It can very quickly change your scenery...

weekend treats



With everyone at home over the weekend, there seemed to be a bit more time to get into the kitchen and make some special treats. We went out for dinner on Friday night - without children (happens only rarely)- so much preparation for babysitters was required. First treats needed to be baked - it was choc-chip cookies this time. Ben and Teddy helped...

Saturday morning was a chance for an out of the ordinary breakfast - omelettes and pancakes were on the menu.

By Sunday afternoon there were just a few of the cookies left to have with strawberry and banana smoothies...



Taking the time to cook something special is one of life's simple pleasures!

the Twilight Saga

Now I don't want to go on about my birthday, but one of the cool presents I received leads me to a topic which I think is worth discussing. I have a rather embarassing confession to make - I am completely obsessed with the 'Twilight Saga'! Now before you start snickering, let me assure you that I am far from alone in this affliction. For a start, a friend of mine, who is at least as, and possibly even more obsessed than I am, made me the birthday card pictured above and gave me the set of novels. She had an ulterior motive, which was to retrieve her own copies of the books, which she has loaned to me and I have had for some months now. I just haven't been able to bring myself to give them back as I keep on rereading them. I told my sister-in-law about this over the weekend and she said "What's with that??? I mean you know exactly what's going to happen!" Of course I couldn't explain myself because I don't understand how I can keep wanting to read them either! Not to mention the fact that I have also seen each of the movies at least 3 or 4 times. The friend who gave me the books signed the card "Love from your twi-hard buddy..." and that's about right - we both know it's pathetic but we just can't help it!



For those of you who don't know much about Twilight, it's basically a story about teenaged vampires and werewolves and their love story. Many of my friends were reading the books and watching the movies a couple of years ago when they first came out and were hugely popular all over the world. At the time I rudely poohpoohed the idea and made comments such as "How on earth could you like a story about teenaged vampires??" That will teach me to judge before I know what I'm talking about!

Then one night a couple of months ago, I was flicking around on the television and Twilight the movie came on and I couldn't find anything better to watch. Well, that was it for me - I was hooked from then on! I ripped through all the books and movies within a couple of weeks - and, as I mentioned, I still keep going back for more. So, I was a bit late for this party. I've tried since to read other books, with varying degrees of success, but still haven't managed to kick the habit.I even read '50 Shades of Grey' - the book of the moment - and I did find it very ummm...shall we say interesting and intriguing...and it certainly kept me turning the pages until the early hours of the morning. But somehow the characters didn't grab me in quite the same way. I probably will read the sequels, but I haven't rushed out to get them. Guess I'm just more of a romantic kind of gal...

Now, as I said, I am not alone in this affliction. Apparently there are countless women my age who have neglected their families and their lives in general just to keep reading. The teenaged girls that I work with tell me that their mothers love Twilight even more than they do. One said that her mother was reading it at traffic lights. Women have even sought counselling to try and cure their obsession. That makes me feel a little bit better I guess...

So, what is it that grabs us? Well, from what I can gather, women tend to fall into two camps - Team Jacob (the werewolf) and Team Edward (the vampire). I am Team Edward all the way. And I don't mean that I like Robert Pattinson's looks (nice as they are)- it's only as Edward that I see him as attractive. Perhaps it is that he treats Bella as a fragile, precious creature who is the love of his existence and who has become his sole purpose for living. I guess once you are married and have a few kids, everyone expects to be looked after by you rather than to look after you. Not that I'd trade my life for anything - but certainly Bella and Edward's love story is a very romantic and compelling notion.

Anyway, who knows? I really can't explain it. But I am certainly very much looking forward (as is my twi-hard buddy) to when 'Breaking Dawn 2' comes out in November - we have a night out at the movies planned in advance. I just wish that Robert Pattinson and Kirsten Stewart would stop airing their relationship problems in the media, because it is really spoiling the illusion of Edward and Bella's perfection for me!

a comfy corner

I think it is probably rare that people feel totally happy with the way that every part of their house looks – it is usually a work in progress – you work on one little pocket at a time, as necessity and motivation dictate. I certainly have lots of pockets at my place that still need attention, but this is one little corner that I really love. It is actually almost the first thing that you see as you walk into the house, which is great as it does look inviting. But apart from looking pretty it is also a great place to sit or lie. It is a timber day bed that I inherited from my grandmother – very simple straight lines, built in the 70s. I replaced the old mattress with a new one and had it recovered in linen, the same as my other lounge chairs. With all the comfy cushions on the day bed, it is a fabulous place to curl up with a good book or a movie, lie down and take a quick powernap or snuggle up with the children to read stories. Teddy loves to pile the cushions up and then jump on top of them. Another thing I love, is that it holds so many lovely memories for me – I have been curling up on that day bed since I was a child when it was in my grandmother’s house – it has always held a special attraction for me. Now it belongs to me and always reminds me of my grandmother, whom I loved and respected very, very much.

birthdays



flowers...

 I love birthdays - whether it be someone else's or mine - I just love them all! I see it as a prime opportunity for a celebration. I love my boys' birthdays, family members', friends', husband's - I always put a lot of effort into presents, cakes and parties. I basically just can't help myself. I had my 42nd birthday on the weekend. It was so much fun - it seemed to go on for days! Apart from the fact that I can't believe I've actually hit 'middle age', I think being in your 40s is a great time in your life. You've worked out who you are and what's important to you, yet you still feel relatively young and energetic. It brings a quiet confidence and contentedness. Once you've past the pressure time of actually turning 40, when you feel that you absolutely must do something along the lines of having a wild party or going on a special overseas trip, you can just relax and enjoy whatever happens on your birthday. This year my birthday got off to a great start, when my husband, at his romantic best, presented me with a beautiful bunch of flowers (he proudly told the story of how he had called the florist to request that only my favourite flowers in my favourite colours be included) and a cup of tea while still in bed. Then there were the phone calls and messages from friends and family all over the world. Our friends, the Robinsons, have the wonderful tradition on birthdays, where the whole family (6 of them) sings happy birthday and then each of them calls out "happy birthday Julie!" and then they have a chat. They really make you feel special with that phone call.
For the next few days, things continued in the same wonderful vein - birthday sponge cake, lovely pressies, a cafe breakfast, an afternoon of shopping (sans children), a facial (with babysitting included) and some beautiful heartwarming messages in cards. What more could a girl ask for?
Again, simple pleasures are what makes the world go around...




coffee with breakfast...



gorgeous nieces who love to take care of their little cousins...

 

sponge cake with strawberries and cream...





a few lovely pressies...

As I said, what more could a girl want...

chinese food for lunch



Up here in the mountains we are pretty starved of any kind of international cuisines and this is something that I personally really miss.  This year, though, I met a lovely new friend called Lori (obviously not her Chinese name), who has certainly filled that little hole in my life! Lori moved to the Victorian high country with her Australian husband and 18 month old son, Oscar, from a remote village in China. She and her husband met by chance on a train in China, where he was studying Chinese. It was love at first sight and they've been together ever since. Now you might think that this move must have been quite a culture shock for Lori, but she is as tough as nails and has adapted to her new home seemingly easily. Lori spends about $200 per month on food and seems to be able to make a magnificent meal out of almost nothing. She buys all of her meat and seafood from the Footscray market and freezes it. She very quickly had a vege garden up and running, with broccoli, chives and radishes now thriving and being used daily in her cooking. In particular, she uses the broccoli leaves, which we usually discard, in almost every dish - and, they are delicious! Lori also makes her own magnificent bread. Every skerrick of food in the house is used in some way, so there is no wastage and, compared to most Australian families, the grocery bill is very small. There's so much that I have learned about life from Lori - it's so good to meet people from other cultures and find out different ways of doing things.

So, today Lori invited a few friends around to her place for lunch, to make and eat wonton soup. We all sat around and rolled the wontons together and then Lori served them in the delicious soup pictured above. Oh my, the taste was sensational and the whole process was just so heartwarming. The children played around us, and then ate the wontons as well. Oscar was especially fond of them.

The wonton soup contained dried pork belly, dried shrimp,dried seaweed, chili, chives and of course, the wontons - the taste was just indescribably good. I do hope that I am lucky enough to enjoy another of Lori's Chinese feasts again before too long. Thank you Lori for a wonderful lunch!



sunday afternoon

I know that many people experience this same situation, but one of the things I had to get used to when we moved up here to the country, was that in my husband's new job, he works all weekend, almost every weekend. I was used to a situation where each of us worked for part of the weekend, but we always had at least some time together as a family. I struggled at first with this, for a number of reasons. Firstly, my family had just increased from 2 to 3 children, one of whom was a brand new baby. Secondly, we were in a new environment, where all the usual city entertainments to fall back on in yucky weather, like shopping malls and indoor play centres, were no longer available. Thirdly, I was new to town and so needed to make new friends for catching up with, which takes time of course. Now, a year and a half later, I have adopted a routine, which I stick to most weekends. I find it really helps me to have a plan in place and to accept that the weekends are actually the busiest days of my week because I have all three children at home. On Saturday mornings I take everyone in to town and we have morning tea at our favourite cafe, where we enjoy a sweet treat and also practise using our best manners when eating out! Then we stock up on food from the supermarket for the rest of the weekend. After that we either pick up a town friend for each of the bigger boys to take home for a play or perhaps go to Mansfield's indoor swimming pool. On Sunday morning we have playgroup or go for a bushwalk with the other parents and children who live around us. Whenever the weather permits, the boys are encouraged to be outside, where they always manage to think up an intricate make-believe game or go frog catching or some other simple childhood pastime. Again, I learned that I don't need to entertain them all the time. I need to give them the time and space to get bored and think of something they would like to play themselves.

By the time Sunday afternoon comes around, I feel that a little sit down with a cup of tea and some reading matter is well deserved! If the sun is shining and the day is warm enough, this is my favourite spot to sit.

I wanted one of these adirondack chairs for many years and last year finally got one for my birthday. It will be even more perfect when I have another one to match!

children and books

For some time now I have been a little concerned that my beautiful 18 month old son Teddy, who seemed to be developing perfectly in every other way, just didn’t seem to be the least bit interested in books! Every night my two elder boys choose a book each and we read them on the couch. Sam, the eldest, who is 7, also reads his school reader to all of us. Sam is an excellent reader and makes me feel that all the time we have spent reading books to him during his childhood has paid off tenfold (not that it is necessarily any guarantee). Ben is still at kindergarten, so not at the reading stage yet, but definitely has a very strong love for books. However, try as we might, we have not been able to get Teddy to sit still and listen to any more than a page of any story! Suddenly all this has changed though! Teddy now will often be found during the day sitting somewhere quietly flipping the pages of a book and talking quietly to himself – clearly reading a story! He also now crawls up on to my lap very determinedly in order to be a part of the bedtime story routine. He listens and watches intently, completely absorbed in the story, although of course I can’t be sure of just how much he understands. But the most wonderful part is to see just how much pleasure it gives him.  This wingbacked chair in its sunny corner is one of Teddy’s favourite spots to sit and read. It’s a great reminder that, when it comes to children, there is no point in trying to rush things- they will reach the next stage when they are good and ready to!



thank you

I wrote in my last post about how worthwhile it is to make the effort to cook a meal for your friends. I have to add that something which really warms my heart is when those friends send you a special thank you message afterwards. After our dinner the other night, Kate called the next day to say how much they enjoyed themselves - so lovely! A few weeks ago, we cooked lunch for some other friends, Rowan and Amanda, who took the thank you afterwards to a whole new level! A few days later we received this handmade and handwritten card in the mail...

Not only is the card handmade, Rowan and Amanda also took this photograph themselves - as you can see they are a very clever couple!Inside was a beautifully handwritten message, which made me feel like the most wonderful hostess ever! Good manners are something that is so important to preserve - I have made a promise to myself that from now on, whenever I am lucky enough to be invited to an occasion, I will be sure to pen a thank you note or at the very least, pick up the phone the next day to say thank you again. This is something that my own mother never fails to do and it is certainly a tradition worth carrying on, I think.

friends for dinner

The extra effort that it takes to entertain friends is always soooo worthwhile I think. A couple of days ago we invited our friends Kate and Bill around for dinner. I thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon that I spent cooking the meal, setting the table, making sure the house was in order....our boys even cooperated beautifully too! They had their dinner and baths early so that was all out of the way. They then greeted our guests using their best manners and sat down to read the books that Kate and Bill had brought with them. After that it was off to bed without a fuss - how wonderful! (Unfortunately they aren't always quite so easy!!) Teddy was admiring (destroying) my table setting too...

On the menu was Bill Grainger's slow roasted shoulder of lamb, roasted potatoes and steamed greens, followed by apple and berry crumble with icecream. The shoulder of lamb is always delicious and so easy because you pop it in the oven 3 and a half hours before your guests arrive and there's little else to do - a godsend when you have little children to organise as well. Accompanied by a couple of glasses of lovely red wine and great company, the evening was so enjoyable - and a good reminder that making an effort is what life is all about.

snow

Yesterday was a very cold day for us here in the foothills of Mt Buller. The temperature at my place didn't get above 6 degrees all day and at one point it even snowed!! Unfortunately it wasn't cold enough for the snow to remain on the ground but it was definitely falling around us.

Driving home from town today, the view was spectacular, with all the mountains covered with a light dusting of snow. I was feeling pretty lucky to be living in such a beautiful place! Although, I had a little trouble convincing Ben of this...as I pulled over for the third time on the 20 minute trip home, his comment was, "Oh Mum, you're not stopping to take another photo are you!?!"



all about ben

Today was a special day for our middle son, Ben. We decided that he was in need of some special attention at the moment, so, my husband, who was on his days off, took Ben, just the two of them, for a day out. They went to the indoor swimming pool and out to a cafe for lunch and to Target to buy Ben some new pyjamas and socks. I stayed at home with baby Teddy, but decided that I would also do something especially for Ben. I'm embarassed to admit that Ben's photo album was sadly lacking - it hadn't been updated for about three years! So I decided to correct the situation. I spent a couple of hours going through all of our photos and saving every one that was of Ben and sorting them into chronological order. Then it was off to the chemist to get the photos printed. Tonight I have just finished putting all of the photos into albums. I can't wait to see Ben's excitement when he sees them in the morning. I only wish that I hadn't put this off for so long. Here is a snapshot of Ben's first 5 years...